We have decided

So, we have decided to homeschool.

I am going to finish my degree, but my husband and I decided that for the moment, not using my degree is acceptable in light of being  to educate our children the way we choose and in the environment we choose. We are paying a lot of money for someone else to raise and educate our children, when I am very capable and will enjoy doing so. I am not sure why God has called us to do this or why all the pieces of the puzzle that needed to fall into place for this happen have fallen. It will be hard and will be an adjustment for me to be at home with my children 24-7. I am not sure I am cut out to do this, but I have to trust that God feels that I am, and he knows me better than I know myself, so I have to trust him on this one. 

Already after deciding to homeschool, the enemy is throwing things at us and making our lives harder. I have to believe that means we are doing something right. I hope that all my friends out there will support our decision and our future decisions and  let us decide the best course of action for our family! 

I struggled with this decision for many reasons.  I  struggle because I feel wasteful for not going directly to work when I finish my degree, but I have to believe there is a reason God has called this on our family. I have struggled with it because I don't feel I have been the best wife, mom, daughter, or sister the past few years. I have hurt a lot of people with my indifference in some cases and my selfishness in others, and I have hurt people who have just tried to love me. I have messed up royally and it almost cost me my marriage and my family. I know that God has forgiven me and that my husband has forgiven me. I know that God chooses not to remember what I have done in the past when I ask for his forgiveness and my husband and I have chosen to  move on from this chapter of our lives and start fresh. But, I am still scared. I am scared that I will mess this up, and that I am not good enough of a mom or wife to pull this off full-time.

I guess I am laying it all out there, because I don't want to hide or bottle up anything. Nothing should be a secret. My life should be an open book so that I am held accountable for my actions. Also, because if there are any other young moms out there struggling with motherhood and being a wife and part of a new family by marriage and trying to make it work, I want them to know that they are not alone. 

But regardless of the fear and doubt that I feel, we have chosen to make this leap and we are committed to it. So we are diving in headfirst and hopefully with the support of our savior and the support of family we will keep our heads above water. 

The bible says that we should
"Train a child up in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

The best way, that we see, for us to raise and educate our children in the world with the many pitfalls that it presents to a young child, is to raise them with a Christ-centered education and environment. We will be able to have more control over what he hears and the people that he hangs out with and will be able to protect him and his innocence until it is time for him to go out into the world and hopefully be a warrior for Christ. 

I know this was a long post, but I wanted to write what was on my heart.